• “Network attacks against the bulk power grid will almost certainly escalate steadily in frequency and sophistication over the next 12 months due in part to international emphasis among the G20 nations on Smart Grid research, collaborative development projects and the rich environment that creates for acts of cyber espionage”

Kristan J. Wheaton, Sources And Methods, Jan 2010

Regardless of persuasion, you should read the whole article.

EMP a.k.a. Electromagnetic Pulse is also short for the chances of us getting our electrical and computerized gizmos fried to Kingdom Come, from a naturally occurring or manmade explosion at altitude―or even from mischief generated on land or at sea, given the right equipment in the wrong hands. Which, gosh, has been known to happen. How ‘bout those box cutters.

And to say EMP spells DISASTER is only part of the story. EMP can also spell C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E, which isn’t just a niggling semantic difference in terms, it’s a bona fide category for describing how fried our range of gizmos and gadgetry would be on a scale of Lightly Toasted to Extra Crispy.

How fried depends on whole bunches of different balls of snakes, cans of worms, however you care to term the beckoning delightful delovely wriggling spectrum of hard-to-pin-down ways we could variously and/or universally get cluster- uh, “fracked” [thank you, Battlestar Galactica].

SO Flash-Gordon sounding, I know. Laughable, really.…actually, no, not really. Unless you find hilarity in the notion of a new and devolved 1840s-friendly lifestyle that could range from a sort of cold-turkey Little House on the Prairie, to Lord of the Flies without the civility. The ultimate Reality Show, minus creature comforts and safety net.

Sure, laugh it off. While you still can.

Levity is, after all, a useful stress-reduction technique―until the laughter turns to hysteria, a condition imprinted on movie buffs as the shrieking, disaster-response meltdown that annoys the heck out of everyone in range until someone masterful marches over and slaps some sense into the (typically) female who’s just lost it.

Laugh, because EMP is VERY Flash Gordon, complete with ray guns―except that ray-gun sorts of devices now exist, and the Ming evildoer now takes on a whole range of shape-shifter appearances.

 The likelihood is, that no matter how well-informed or well-prepared you think you are, if you don’t know that EMP spells Disaster, you are in for a Surprise. Of the majorly icky, Katrina bloated-corpses ghastly ethical conundra, sort (I know it’s harsh, but would you rather cringe now or fall on your Katana later?).

The likelihood is, that even if you’re one of the select 10% Know-It-Alls among the U.S. population claiming knowledge of EMP a.k.a. Electromagnetic Pulse, you are probably not fully persuaded of its potential to bring us to our tender knees.

The likelihood is, that even if you’ve progressed sufficiently on the EMP learning curve to have grasped its plausibility as an agent of disruption if not destruction, you’ve managed to dismiss it on the basis of low likelihood. (Perhaps you think the EMP threat to be a category reserved for the more avid readers of the Washington Times. One of those “conservative” viewpoints, conveniently somewhere on the outside-right of probable occurrence.)

The likelihood is, that we’re facing an EMP event calculated to send our pulses racing up to the Stratosphere, right into oblivion. (Wonder what effect EMP could have on Pacemakers?)

So: Got Disaster? Like the Washington Post, as opposed to the Washington Times, has been known to say, if you don’t get it – you don’t get it. Except we may all get it, right in the proverbial neck, so maybe it’s time to drop the giggles and take certain entirely doable, affordable, meaningful precautions while we can.

 Hardening our power grid – see, that would be a good thing, not like hardened arteries, or hardened hearts―or heads.

 I challenge anyone who has any wits about them whatsoever, regardless of political persuasion, race, color, creed, avocation, abrogration, you name it, to respond in any way but OMG where are the smelling salts? after being presented with the facts. Try reading the EMP Commission’s report, and listening to some of the existing voices of reason, and you’ll find that they’re not advocating the latest in tinfoil chapeaux, but trying to get us to wake up.

Think of it this way: I’m sure they’d all love to be proven wrong. And what’s the worst that could happen? We have a more robust power grid? Oh, now wouldn’t THAT be awful. ####

Clearly there’s an explanation. No one in their right mind would select this beast unless they worked for National Lampoon or were feeling vengeful or under heavy medication.

Many caveats, and cavils, apply. Think Mountain Goat, please, and not the West Point goat of “last-in-class” distinction.  

Like most (though I can think of exceptions, largely associated with careers on the stage and/or beliefs tied to numerology), I had no part in choosing my name – it was there when I arrived (“Honest, Mom! It just followed me home!”). Said to come from the Old English cyninges-leah meaning wood or clearing of the king [is it just me, or do those seem a trifle inclusive?], ”Kingsley”  has conveniently been termed an “English polygenetic surname,” i.e., simultaneously used by different families and in differing locations, which certainly explains a multitude of sins, not to mention spellings, further muddled by the variations introduced by Norman French and Latin, the notoriously individuated practices of medieval scribes, and the “anything goes” tolerances of Old and Middle English (somewhat like the spelling freedom we enjoy today).

Kingsleys of one ilk or another purportedly trace back to Cheshire/Staffordshire in England, where their boss the Duke of Normandy is fondly believed  to have rewarded them with land grants for helping him out at the Battle of Hastings.

The year 1066 and scattered references in the Domesday Book notwithstanding, a more ambitious explanation developed in the fullness of time. In 1907, a Dr. Leroy Brown of St. Paul, Minnesota, undertook A Kingsley Geneology, “…a Brief History of Joseph Kingsley and Family, with Records and Sketches of His Ancestry and Descendants.” As the good doctor tells it, things happened kinda like this:

THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY AND NAME OF KINGSLEY [ in Dr. Leroy Brown's OWN WORDS, which add immeasurably to the recounting]:

Tradition says that as William II of England or William Rufus (the Red King) was one day hunting in the New Forest, he became separated from his companions and attendants, and wandering aimlessly about through forest and glade, became hopelessly lost. But just as night was closing in with its darkness and gloom, he espied a friendly light gleaming from the cabin of one of the yeomen who lived on the confines of the forest. Hastening thither, he begged shelter for the night, without making his identity known. He was kindly received and hospitably entertained so far as the means at hand in the humble abode would allow. The man of the house at once slaughtered a young goat from which, with other means at hand, his good wife prepared a savory repast, whose delightful odors reached the nostrils of the hungry King and whose delectable flavors greatly pleased his palate.

The King of course being weary from the arduous sports of the day, the humble couch provided him brought most refreshing slumbers, from which he awoke to partake of another bounteous repast, which the wife had prepared (such as her female descendants have ever since been noted for preparing).

In going abroad by the light of day the King discovered that he was in his own meadow or Lea [Leigh/whatever; ML aside],as it was anciently called in England. He was so delighted with the hospitality he had received that he bestowed the whole of that portion of his domain known as the King’s Lea upon his host and made him Baron. The recipient took the name of the land bestowed upon him, Kyngesleigh (or Kingsley), and the family crest on the coat of arms contains the King’s crown surmountcd by a goat’s head.

….There you have it: that’s the story, and I’m sticking to it.

I hasten to add that neither share any commonality, in substance or scale; though both are insufficiently understood, they diverge wildly according to every possible measure; I refer of course to the controversial categories of :

(a) too-thin thighs (linked, in a recent Danish study, to higher rates of cardiac failure), and … lurking at the polar opposite of our  consideration spectrum…

(b) Electromagnetic Pulse a.k.a. EMP,  a naturally occurring OR deliberately engineered phenomenon that, according to many wiser heads than I, has the potential to knock out communications and plunge the world back into a veritable Stone Age for months, maybe years, to come.

Further complicating  category (a), there’s uncertainty to cloud the joy of the many body-self-conscious individuals who might be elated at discovering the potentially life-threatening implications connected with a  thigh circumference of under two feet – I should say 24 inches! — If in fact larger thighs might not be so bad a category after all, though that  defy all indoctrination and tutelage — what of the remedy? Should one endeavor to add to one’s adipose tissue, and/or try to muscle it up — maybe unearth the Thighmaster of ill-repute (its inventor having, as you may recall, been revealed as resorting to liposuction rather than her much-touted thigh-firming product)? New worries to replace the old standbys — a mixed blessing, at best. 

Category (b), on the other hand, EMP — well, that’s something else entirely. That calls for serious action, if only to investigate its veracity and estimated probability. For me, I intend to find out for myself, if I can, which includes consideration of the September 8-10 “EMPACT” conference in Niagara Falls.

I’ll keep you posted.

Until that all gets sorted, we would be wise to heed the disaster- preparedness advice urged by FEMA and detailed in: 

…”the Ready campaign, designed to educate and empower Americans to prepare for and respond to emergencies including natural and man-made disasters. The goal of the campaign is to get the public involved and ultimately to increase the level of basic preparedness across the nation.

FEMA’s Ready campaign acknowledges that state, local, tribal and territorial governments, non-profits, and the private sector are key players in our nation’s emergency response team. Recognizing the public is the most important member of the emergency response team, FEMA’s Ready campaign is encouraging all Americans to take three simple steps:

1. Put together an emergency supply kit;
2. Make a family emergency plan; and
3. Be informed about the types of emergencies that could take place and their appropriate responses. “

Ultimately, of course, it’s more your overall skill sets and planned remedies and recourses that will apply — the nature of the threat or threats will vary. Whether you consider too-thin thighs or EMP as potential threats on your list, however, you’d be well advised to include www.Ready.gov as well as www.Flu.gov in your preparations.

Cheers!